Death Wish
by Fragile Human
Summary: All Bella wants for Christmas is to be a vampire; all Edward wants is a mate. She learns the hard way that even your wildest desires CAN come true and that you should be careful what you tweet. Rated M for lemons and some gory situations.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: OK guys, here it is, my new fic. It's nothing like _Collision Course_, it's quite dark and angsty... so hold on tight, we'll have quite a bumpy ride!**

**I have to thank Breath-of-Twilight, my beta-extraordinaire, who also held the countdown that caused me to write this screwed up little fic in the first place. Next, Cat, omfg you are the driving force behind this. Lastly, to all my readers, you're the reason I do this. If it isn't TOO much trouble, press that little "review" button so I know if this is worth reading or not, kay??? Thx, love you all, enjoy!**

**xoxo, FragHum**

* * *

_How I wish you could see the potential,  
the potential of you and me.  
It's like a book elegantly bound but,  
in a language that you can't read.  
Just yet._

You gotta spend some time, Love.  
You gotta spend some time with me.  
And I know that you'll find, Love  
I will possess your heart.  
You gotta spend some time, Love.  
You gotta spend some time with me.  
And I know that you'll find, Love  
I will possess your heart.

There are days when outside your window  
I see my reflection as I slowly pass,  
and I long for this mirrored perspective  
when we'll be lovers, lovers at last.

I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie

* * *

I sat in my study, cloaked in darkness, thoughts swirling through my mind. Of course, they all revolved around _her_.

She was the answer. The solution to the issues that had plagued me for over a century.

I wasn't necessarily _lonely, _per se, but the selection of suitable mates was dismal at best. Vampires were known to be flighty creatures, their intellect often surpassed by the carnal urges that sprung forth constantly. I had known dozens of females and they had all disappointed me greatly with their shortfalls.

Irina stood out amongst the others as what I considered my own personal low. Her flaxen hair and exquisite looks did little to mask the sheer stupidity and pettiness that oozed from her every pore. I withstood it for mere hours before I ended her suffering, using her for a cheap fuck before tearing her limb from limb and turning her into a pile of smoldering ashes.

Gianna had almost worked out for me, until she started in with the insufferable talk of love and feelings and fuck me if I didn't put her out of her misery, too. She was phenomenal when her mouth was busy with other things, sucking my dick being the prime example, but her nasal whining made me want to gouge out my eyes. I removed hers for her, though, before her fingernails and ripping all her hair from her head. I took my time with her, knowing I would need it to keep me somewhat satisfied while I searched for another place to bury my cock.

I began taking an unusual approach to finding a mate. Knowing I had seen the population of mature vampires that existed, I turned my sights elsewhere. That poor bitch Rosalie was an unfortunate accident, a result of too little planning and hasty execution. What an execution it was, her silken locks wrapped around my fingers as I helplessly latched on to her neck, draining the life from her frail body. I was as powerless to stop as she was to break free from my grasp.

I had found her walking through a desolate parking lot, tears streaming down her face as she blubbered to herself about some giant asshole. I had parked my car near hers, purposely detaching a wire from the battery of my car as a ruse for her assistance. Really, for her, a case of the wrong place at the wrong time.

She approached cautiously, surely wary of being anywhere near me or my car. I gave her a frazzled smile as I leaned over the engine compartment with my flashlight, hearing the pause in her steps as she debated whether to offer her assistance. I straightened slowly, turning and scratching my head in mock ignorance.

"D-Do you need help?" She asked softly, the wavering in her voice giving away her fear at offering. Her eyes were filled with sadness, overflowing with tears, and her skin was red and blotchy. She would have been beautiful if she weren't such a sniveling mess. "I know a little about cars."

"I can't seem to get it started, and I'm late for my shift at the hospital. Do you mind getting in and trying to start it?" I gave her the slow grin that seemed to knock the sense out of most women I came across, trying like hell to keep the crazy out of my eyes. She nodded before moving hesitantly to the driver's side of my car. I watched her slide lithely into the seat, leaving the door ajar. I heard her turn the key, the ignition clicking uselessly due to my tampering. She looked up, turning her head to speak towards the now vacant area at the front of the car. I stepped into the space between her and the door, my fingers clamping down on her shoulder.

Her eyes widened in fear, realization dawning on her features as I sneered in her face. I pushed her back against the seat, flicking the lever so it lay flat as I crawled on top of her frozen body. Where was this fight people spoke of? She seemed resigned to her fate the moment she saw me appear at her side. I had been looking forward so much to her terror;, to see the horror flash in her eyes, feel her small fists beat against my chest as she begged for her life. This was not what I had waited for!

"Aren't you going to cry? Beg me for your worthless life? I'm rather disappointed in your surrender, I must admit." I whispered against the skin of her neck, my tongue flicking out to trace her jugular vein, nestled close to her carotid artery. The feeling of blood pulsing rapidly through those vessels caused my tenuous hold on my control to slip, and I pressed my teeth against the delicate skin, slicing through dermis and connective tissue to reach the hot pulsing liquid. I moaned in ecstasy as her shrill scream pierced the air and wrapped her fragile body in my arms as though we were lovers. I held her closer still, arching her back away from the seat as her head fell back, exposing her neck more fully to my ministrations.

I drank greedily, forgetting my purpose of draining just enough blood to allow the venom to manipulate her system into the transformation. I was past the point of caring, really, as her viscous fluid ran through my system. I felt alive, invigorated, drawing her life force into my body fully. I always found it rather erotic, taking what I wanted with no regard for anyone else's wellbeing, transferring life from one being to another. It was the one true instance that I found this existence worthwhile.

I pulled my lips away from her neck, letting my tongue slide over the divide in her skin, sealing it closed. I released her from my grasp, sitting back against the steering wheel as I let out a contented sigh. I would feel no remorse over ending her sad journey, only mild disappointment at failing in my quest. I lifted her lifeless body in my hands, regretting not doing this in a more convenient location. Glancing around the still deserted lot, I quickly moved to the edge of the surrounding forest, finding an area heavily covered in bracken. I unceremoniously dumped her body in the brush, covering it with leaves and pine needles before wiping my hands on my pants.

I had tried a few more times since that day, always overcome with bloodlust at the most inopportune time, but had been so close to success the last time. She had been so simple to persuade, and her blood hadn't been nearly as appealing as some. I had truly thought she would be the one I could resurrect, but at the last moment my concentration lapsed and I succumbed once more to the animalistic urge.

I had never been good at suppressing my urges, even as a human. I had been a petulant child, demanding everything from my parents, never taking no for an answer. I knew they didn't have the financial ability to provide what I "needed", and still I continued to badger them until they relented. I recalled times when I had more toys than I could possibly ever play with, while my parents went without a jacket during the frigid Chicago winters. I had been this way since birth; I knew there was a monster inside me, and instead of fighting him, I freed him willfully, eagerly even.

As I grew older I maintained my expectation of the finer things in life, showing an utter disregard for the established norms of society. If I wanted it, I took it, simple as that. My insatiable hunger for instant gratification spared no one, especially the high society women I surrounded myself with. I was wild and uncontrollable, a combination that seemed to draw girls and women alike. My charisma and charm got them close, while the wine and liquor made them submit to my every whim and desire.

I don't know that it was always truly consensual, but it satisfied me and that was all that mattered. That satisfaction was what I craved my entire existence; instant gratification ruled my life. When an acquaintance came to me to tell me of a girl, practically still a child, and her benign statement of wishing to become one of _us_, I decided it may be time to try again.

I went to her house, night after night, trying to control my basest instincts. The scent of her blood was like nothing I had ever experienced, setting my throat ablaze with thirst and my body flaming with desire. I didn't know which way I wanted her more, to feast upon her blood or consume her body. Somehow I knew, deep inside my consciousness that I needed to preserve this entity, to possess her for eternity. No one had called to me so strongly and this was a gift I would not squander. She would be mine and mine alone.

Tonight was the night; it was the night I would take what I wanted once more, gratify that urge to possess and own, and no one would stand in my way. I finally rose from my chair, my feet silent as they ghosted across the floor. I was on my way to her, to the one that would sustain me in ways I had never fathomed, the one that would satiate my thirst and match my fiery passion simultaneously. I would take her, as I had everything else.

Consequences be damned.

* * *

**OK so he's a bit mentally unstable. Just setting the scene, folks! One shot is up next! **

**Please, please let me know if I'm horribly creepy or offensive or if you absolutely freaking loved it. I'm chewing my nails off in anticipation!**


	2. Deadly Desires

**A/N: Holy fuck you guys! That was an awesome way to start a story, I have to say! Thanks so much for letting me know you approve of crazydarkward; I know I love him to pieces. **

**Again, a huge thanks to Cat and Kel for being my best ladies on here, without you two I wouldn't be doing this in the first place. **

**Here it is, the one shot! I tidied it up a bit, but it's not TOO different.**

* * *

I leaned into the mirror, trying extra hard not to poke myself in the eye with the kohl pencil gripped tightly in my fingers. The cat-eye liner I was trying to perfect kept coming out lopsided, one side truly never matching the other. I heaved a sigh, realizing how much this metaphorically symbolized my life. Nothing ever matched up quite right, everything always coming just short of perfection.

I threw the pencil in the sink with a grumble, knowing it didn't really matter anyway. No one looked at my face much anymore, not with the fantastic outfits I was constantly wearing these days. I spent all my allowance at Hot Topic, purchasing anything black or plaid or ruffled, and especially getting whatever pair of insanely high slutty heels I could get my feet into. I tousled my already teased hair before smoothing the red streak I had dyed this morning. Red was definitely my color, at least when mixed with the dark espresso brown my hair already was.

I tugged at my corset, knowing it was an exercise in futility. The damn thing would never stay up the way I wanted it to, which was probably more an issue with my lack of breasts than the construction of the garment. Rolling my eyes, I threw on my black hoodie with the safety pins holding the sides together, zipping it all the way up in hopes of sneaking my way past Charlie. He didn't look too closely these days, so it usually didn't matter.

Charlie had always been a remote parent. Once Renee had decided to run off with her wedding planner boyfriend, Charlie had retreated into himself in more ways that most people realized. I didn't mind his current parenting style, as it usually allowed me to get away with my more rambunctious plans and outfits.

I grabbed my black backpack and headed for the door, pausing only to yell that I was going to Alice's house. Hearing Charlie's answering grunt, I slammed the door behind me before sprinting through the rain for my truck. Once inside its freezing cab, I double pumped the clutch and the engine roared to life. Leaning back on my leopard covered seats, I checked that my makeup hadn't been ruined by the approximately thirteen raindrops that had actually hit my body. Everything checked out OK, so I threw the rusty death trap in gear and took off down the street.

Alice and I had your normal teen relationship: gossip, boys, rituals, boys, makeup, boys. We liked to think of ourselves as Gothic Princesses and we knew how to look the part. Alice's hair currently consisted of short black tufts with hot pink sections scattered sporadically over her head. The color changed frequently, but she always seemed to come back to pink.

"Bell, have you given any thought to what you want for Christmas this year? Don't give me that sorry old line about not wanting anything because I don't buy it."

I answered her without removing my face from in front of the laptop screen.

"Al. There's nothing physical that you could give me that I want. There's one thing I'm after, and we both know you can't give it to me. If you have to get anything at all, just get me a gift card to Hot Topic. At least you know I'll use it." I continued skimming the Google results on the screen, clicking another one of the seventy two O's before raising my eyes to hers.

"Seriously, Bell, you may want to rethink that whole idea. Especially finding someone on the internet! You never know who you're actually talking to on there. It could be fucking Mike Newton for all you know!" She cackled loudly at that and I had to join her. Imagine, Mike Newton online posing as a vampire?!

"Well what the fuck do you want me to do?" I tossed my hair in annoyance. "I tried to just sit back and wait for one to show up and that hasn't worked at all. It seems like I have to actually go out and find one and this is the only way I can think of!"

Yes, that's my Christmas wish: to become a vampire, the living dead.

I gave up on Google and clicked the tab connected to my Twitter account. I briefly looked over the tweets from the twits I was following, finding nothing worthwhile in any of it. I updated my status, posting about my desperate wish.

"_All I want for Christmas is to be a princess of the night."_

Clicking update, I shut the laptop screen and flopped on the bed next to my best friend.

Her face was buried in the latest tattoo magazine she had sniped from her boyfriend, Jasper. He was an up-and-coming artist in our small town of Forks and had supplied Al with the only piece of ink she was currently sporting, a small black swan placed just under her hairline on the back of her neck. Best friends forever and all that shit.

Jasper had yet to do mine, a seriously sexed up version of the lowercase "A" that he had drawn for me from scratch, to be placed in the same spot on my neck as hers. He made me promise to wait till my 18th birthday to get it, afraid of repercussions from my father being Chief of Police and all.

I smacked the magazine out of her dainty hands before taking them in my own.

"Al, this is all I want and you know how much it means to me. Imagine how awesome it would be! I would totally turn you after, if you wanted me to."

She rolled her eyes at my words, a delicate snort passing through her nose.

"As if you even have to ask, Bell. Of course I would! We could change Jasper too, and start our own coven and it would be so fucking fantastic."

I dropped her hands, knowing that if we could find a way, we would both be Gothic Princesses for real in the near future.

* * *

I was startled awake by a sinister scratching at my window, cold hands of dread squeezing my heart as I scooted back against my headboard. I reached for my phone, my fingers coming up empty as I felt around the smooth top of my nightstand. It was Christmas Eve, or it had been when I went to bed. I had no idea what time it was right now.

Charlie was working, having taken this night shift so he could be around for me tomorrow during the day. We were planning on making lasagna together for lunch after opening our few meager gifts, finishing the night by watching a movie and maybe some sports reruns. Merry fucking Christmas to you, too.

I wished he were home now, listening to the scratching continue at my window. I pulled the blankets over my head, hoping against all hope that it was just some errant tree branch moving with the wind.

The sound stopped after a moment and I peeked out from under my fortress of cotton, screaming at the top of my lungs when I saw the tall, lean form of a man standing next to my window. He began running his nails down the glass, causing a horrible screeching

sound that hurt my ears immensely.

"Isabella, I'm disappointed." His face was shrouded in shadows, his voice an eerie combination of smooth and rough, velvet and broken glass. "Frankly, I thought you would be better prepared for my arrival."

I peered at him in shock and suspicion, clutching my blankets tightly in my fists. Even with the covers drawn to my chin, I felt exposed. He took a step forward, bringing his face into the patch of moonlight streaming through my window. My eyes must have bugged out of my head at the sight.

His hair was in disarray, the color illuminated by the pale light. His skin was deathly white, his eyes a black hole burning through to my very soul. His beautiful mouth pursed in disapproval as he took in my incredulous face.

"W-Who are you?" I whispered in the dark, frightened beyond belief at this dark angel standing at the foot of my bed. His hands hung loosely at his sides, the only sign of his temperament being that his long fingers twitched minutely at my question.

"I've come to give you your every desire, to fulfill your wish."

His evasive answer gave me no further assistance with his identity and I found myself terrified at the idea of a strange man making cryptic comments in my bedroom in the middle of the night while my father was away.

This was a potentially dangerous situation.

The man perched himself gracefully on the end of my bed, his fingers playing absently with a loose thread on my comforter. My heart was beating a disjointed rhythm in my chest as I gasped for air, never quite feeling as if the oxygen was reaching my lungs. I stared into his black eyes, feeling as if they were scorching their way to my soul. It was ridiculous, but the thought of this man entering my room in the middle of the night was actually turning me on. I felt the dampness spreading in my panties and fought the urge to squirm, unsure if I really wanted him to see me reacting this way.

I watched him breathe deeply through his nose, his eyes half closing as his chest expanded. His eyes widened, locking onto mine with a fierceness that startled me.

"You really should calm down, Isabella. Your fragile heart won't be able to take what I'm going to give you in this condition. So fast…"

What the fuck?! How could he know that my heart was racing in my chest?! I needed some answers, pronto.

"Excuse me, but do you see that it could potentially be difficult for me to relax in this situation? I don't even know your name, you show up in my room in the middle of the night and make that God awful racket, and you ask me to calm down? Don't you think that's a little preposterous?"

I was out of breath from my rant, fear cold as the grave sliding up my neck and causing my hair to stand on end.

Cold as the grave.

Oh my God.

The pieces clicked into place at that moment, and the sudden joy I felt wrapped my heart in its tenuous grip. I sat up straighter, throwing my shoulders back and letting the blankets fall to my lap. My thin black chemise gave me little cover against the chill in my room but my suddenly overheating skin pushed the thought from my mind.

His eyes followed me intently, and I was sure he hadn't missed the abrupt change in my demeanor. I flicked my hair over my shoulder, exposing my neck on both sides as I studied his expression. I thought I saw his eyes narrow at the movement but it happened so fast that I couldn't be sure.

"My name is Edward. I gather you've put things together for yourself, but let me explain. I was alerted to your… request by an acquaintance. We came here one night to investigate, to see for ourselves the foolish child asking for things she had no right to. I very nearly killed you that night but you would have no recollection of that." He paused, standing and moving to stand by the window with his back to me. "Your blood, Isabella. It calls to me the way no other has. I had to be restrained to keep me from taking you that instant."

My heart sped up at his admission, not from fear but from arousal. I had no time to contemplate this reaction because he continued his speech.

"I came back night after night, ever since you posted that damn tweet or whatever they're called, pulled to you inextricably by forces out of my control. I would watch you sleep, your beauty calling to me as much as your blood. I've nearly lost control with you already tonight, but it won't happen again. I have obligations to fulfill, as I told you before."

I sucked in a breath, realizing all at once that I was going to get my one Christmas wish. My brows pulled down in confusion at his earlier comments referring to desires. Did I have more than one desire? I had to admit I desired him at this moment, more even than becoming a vampire. He had to know what my body's reaction meant, seeing as he had planted the seed of that idea in the first place.

"You said 'every desire' before. I had only posted one, but you seem to think there are more. Care to elaborate?" I asked him with shaky breath, afraid he would see straight through my transparent attempt at drawing his true purpose out. I sat up a little straighter, pushing my chest out in what I hoped passed for a sexy pose.

He turned to me slowly, his finger absently rubbing his lower lip before flashing to my side with inhuman speed. His long body stretched out languorously beside mine, his fingers trailing cold patterns across my forearm before pressing in at my elbow. I saw him close his eyes, watched his lips faintly counting out my pulse before lifting my arm to his nose and inhaling deeply.

"All your desires, Isabella. You don't have to say them out loud; I know what they are and will be."

Heat flushed my body, my skin feeling as if it were erupting in flames that licked out to cover every inch of me. His cold hands were instantly on either side of my head, his body taut above me as his mouth descended over mine.

His lips were like a moving ice sculpture, hard and cold as they moved against my superheated mouth. I felt his tongue trace the corners of my mouth before he removed his lips to my neck. I was vaguely aware that I should be concerned about this, knowing this was the preferred site of venom injection for most vampires, but couldn't find it in me to care. I knew this stuff; I had done a lot of research. His teeth scraped against my skin, followed by his frozen tongue and I heard him groan, the sound muffled by my flesh.

I wove my fingers into his hair, tugging impatiently as I guided his head to my collarbone. He worked his way slowly, languidly across my shoulders, nipping and licking here and there. He moved one hand to my breast, his cold fingers instantly hardening my nipple as he grasped me with just the right amount of pressure, massaging my breast with more skill than any of the idiots I had fooled around with in the past.

I felt his knee pushing between my thighs, nudging them apart before he scooted back and knelt between them. He dragged his hands down my stomach to my thighs, his fingertips leaving trails of ice and fire over my skin as he finally pushed my knees apart.

I let my legs fall to the sides, desire overwhelming my body at this point. I could feel the aching of my sex, the throbbing that begged for release as my arousal heightened.

Edward leaned in and blew an arctic breath across my blazing flesh, causing me to moan out his name and fist my hands in the sheets. His tongue flicked out, grazing my throbbing bundle of nerves once, twice, three times before he flattened it and dragged it firmly against my clit. My back arched instinctually, my head thrown back at the assault of sensations. The mixture of hot and cold, fire and ice was wreaking havoc on my nerves.

I felt him press one fingertip against my entrance, teasing as he slid it up and down, up and down, causing tears of want to drip from my eyes as I begged him to enter me. I was rewarded by two long fingers pumping into me as he sucked my clit into his mouth, wrapping his lips around it and stroking it with his tongue. I instantly bucked my hips to him, overwhelmed by the orgasm shattering me into a thousand pieces, the ecstasy forcing all thoughts from my mind as I focused only on the sensations this man created within me.

I opened my eyes after a moment, seeing Edward standing before me completely nude, his clothing in scraps around my bed and on the floor. His dick was long, thick, and ridiculously hard, looking every bit as if it would cause some serious damage when it came near me. I swallowed nervously, knowing I was in for some pain but pushing that thought aside as I worked to steady my breathing. I met his eyes as he crawled onto the bed, making his way up along my body until I could feel the tip of his cock pressed against my slit. He pulled his head back to look at me.

"You know this may hurt, but I'll do my best to make that go away. I'll go slowly at first, but I can't guarantee that I can keep that pace, and you'll probably thank me for that afterwards." I noticed that I was suddenly completely naked, my nightie laying in scraps around us on the sheets.

I nodded silently, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as he arranged himself to penetrate me. He slung one of my legs over his hip and I moved the other one into the same position as he began pressing against my entrance. I felt myself being spread wide, his cold length pressing in on me, stretching me to the max. I felt a tearing heat as he moved further into me, causing me to gasp and claw at his granite skin. He continued his motions as I constantly thought he had no where left to go and was proven wrong as he finally thrust himself fully inside me, filling me to overflowing.

I wriggled around, trying to grow accustomed to the fullness and the discomfort. Edward turned to press a kiss to my temple, questioning me with his gaze and an arched eyebrow. My answer was to buck my hips at him, grinding myself on his shaft as I clenched and unclenched my pelvic muscles around him.

Edward propped himself up on his hands, drawing his dick almost completely out of me before pushing slowly back in, that same feeling of fullness returning to my belly as he sheathed himself completely.

"Ready?" He asked, his gaze fixed on mine. I took a deep breath, knowing there was really no way for me to actually be ready, being that I was about to have sex for the first time and with a vampire, no less.

"Yes." I whispered.

He pulled out faster before slamming back into me, stars obliterating my vision with each hard thrust. I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist, holding on for dear life with my arms clamped around his chest. I peppered his skin with kisses wherever I could reach, my eyes rolling back in my head at the sensations building within me.

Surely no mortal man could invoke these feelings so easily.

I felt that familiar coil building inside me, the tightness of my muscles as they each clenched in preparation for what was sure to be my second mind-blowing orgasm of the night. Before I knew what was happening, I was in Edward's lap, pressed against the shaking headboard of my bed. His thrusts hit a new spot deep inside me and I exploded into pleasure, waves contracting repeatedly through me as I cried out. I felt Edward's frantic pumping as he groaned into my neck, his arms wrapped so tightly around me that I could barely breathe. I could feel him twitching inside me, felt the coolness as he spurted within me. Our frenzied motions had knocked my alarm clock to the floor, switching it on. The quiet strains of a familiar song drifted to my consciousness, the sound eerily hushed after the loud noise of our sex.

_Silent night, holy night…_

Edward kept his tight grasp on me as he slowed, his lips moving over my neck as we both descended from the high of our climaxes. I moaned in pleasure at the feeling, amazed that I was hungry for more from him.

_All is calm, all is bright…_

"I said all of your desires, Isabella. Your final wish…"

I saw his mouth stretch, his sparkling teeth spreading wide before he buried his face in my neck. The pain seared through me, feeling like a thousand tongues of fire licking from my neck through every vein to every point in my body. I screamed in protest, my arms flailing uselessly as he continued his assault on my neck. I faintly realized that this was what I had wanted, my final Christmas wish. How fitting then that the last thing I remember hearing is the quiet strains of "Silent Night" coming from my old radio alarm clock, the sounds finally breaking through as Edward clapped a hand over my mouth and the room faded to darkness.

_Sleep in heavenly peace…_

**

* * *

**

So I realize a lot of you already left me reviews on the countdown page but you know how much of a review whore I am… feel free to just send me a smiley face or let me know how that rated against some of my other sexcapades.

**Next chapter should be up next week! Thanks again for reading & reviewing!! xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi everybody! Holy crap the amount of reviews you guys are leaving is staggering me. I'm so happy you all seem to like it as much as I do! Again, huge thanks and buckets of love to Breath-of-Twilight, my lovely CBF and beta. You make it look pretty, bb! Also, Cat, thanks so much for cheering me on and keeping me from letting crazydarkward turn me into a nut!**

**Special thanks to Cydryna Marie, my love and muse, for helping me figure out exactly where this crazy story is going. You're the best, honey, and I love you copious amounts!**

* * *

Isabella lay there, rigid and unmoving on the cot, her eyes squinted shut and her mouth slack. I ran my fingers through my hair, heaving a sigh as I recounted my own transformation and the excruciating pain associated with it. She would be out for a few days, at least, and I had things to put in order in the meantime. She would be fine here without me, I figured. I needed to go visit an old friend; we had much to discuss.

I moved with purpose, shackling her wrists and ankles to the legs of the cot as a guard against her flopping to the floor should she begin to writhe in agony. The fire crackled softly in the background as I latched the door closed behind me, securing the padlock that would hopefully keep her in as well as keep others out. Deciding against using my car, I took to the forest, running swiftly and silently, the forest floor flying past as I made my way to his house. I arrived in minutes, slowing to a walk as I approached the small structure on the barren street.

I pushed through the door, noting with distaste the cobwebs and dust thickly settled in each nook and corner. _Cleanliness is next to Godliness_, I thought to myself with a grin. Obviously, Jasper was closer to the devil than to God.

He stood at the window, gazing out at the jumble of bushes and vines covering the outbuilding in the far corner of his yard. His appearance was its usual haphazard disarray, a wrinkled Oxford button down covering a Rolling Stones shirt, jeans covered in paint and grease. The only immaculate thing on him was his Adidas shelltoes. He was extremely particular about them and I had once made the unfortunate mistake of scuffing dirt on them and suffered the wrath of Jasper in response. He was the only vampire strong enough to match me in a fight, and that day he had nearly taken my head off.

Fucking shoes. He could be such a woman sometimes.

I brushed past him, careful to keep a wide berth from the footwear, and moved to sink into the old beat up armchair he reserved for visitors. I propped my foot on my knee and bounced it absently as I regarded him. He turned to look at me with a spiteful glare, his typical bad mood evident on his face.

"Hello, old friend!" I greeted him cheerfully, mainly to annoy the shit out of him, and was rewarded with a sneer.

"Friend? Right. To what do I owe this visit, Edward? You've been shacked up like a recluse lately; I'm feeling some strange vibes from you today. Anything..._ new_ going on?" His level gaze held mine while he read me, sucking the emotions from me in that awful manner he had. I likened it to the feeling you get when numbed by the dentist, pins and needles and then _nothing_.

Jasper could sense other's emotions strongly; in fact, I had a private theory that he fed from them, almost gained some sort of inner strength or something when he tasted them from someone. He said before that it felt like an adrenaline rush, all the feelings and such flowing through him made for an intense high. The person he was reading, however, was left feeling empty and bereft, such as I was now.

"Jesus, Jasper. Do you always have to fucking kill my buzz? I just came to tell you about my new 'acquisition', if you will. You remember Isabella, the one you found on the internet?" I rubbed my finger absently over the points of my teeth, fondly recalling the taste of her blood as I began to daydream about her. Her scent, the way she had wrapped me in her heat, the glorious moment when I sank my teeth into the soft skin of her neck... I sighed in contentment.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Ed. Stop with the lusty bullshit. I take it you managed to refrain from killing this one? You've had so many failures in the past that I wasn't sure you'd be able to keep her alive." He rubbed his jaw as his brows pulled down, looking concerned for a moment before a hungry smile spread across his face. "Did you bring her? To share? I am rather thirsty and really didn't feel like going out for dinner... and she did smell delectable that night when we went to see her. Consider it a finder's fee, or a token of your gratitude." His eyes lit up with joy as he spoke faster. "How about you bring her here when she's awoken? I could help you break her in; teach her a thing or two. Sharing is caring, Eddie."

My fist slammed down on the arm of the chair, cracking the wooden frame and splitting the leather. "Like fucking hell I'll share! She belongs to _me_, Jasper, and only me. You know damn well what she is, and you know that makes her untouchable!" I shot from my chair, streaking to his side as I wrapped his shirt around my hand. "If you lay one fucking finger on her, so help me, I will hunt you down and kill you like the pathetic rat you are."

"Just like Maria was untouchable? Or did you forget that?!" He spat at me, his eyes blazing with hatred as a slight smirk came to play on his lips. Jasper looked down at my hand, wound tight with the mouth and tongue logo, before giggling wildly. "Get fucking real, Eddie babe. There's not a damn thing to worry about; I'll leave your little plaything alone. Unless, of course..." He trailed off, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips as he reached down to adjust himself. I tightened my grip on his shirt, using my other hand to shove his shoulders back against the wall, a territorial rage burning through every cell of my body.

"Unless what, Jasper? Do tell." I moved my hand from his shoulder to his neck, pressing up against his jaw and sliding his body a few inches up the wall till his feet were well above the floor. No one would taint her; she was mine and I would do what I wished with her but no one else would touch her.

He smirked before answering, raising a finger to poke my nose. "Unless she comes looking for me, sugar. If she did that, well, who knows what could happen?"

I slammed his body against the wall, the windows rattling in their casings as pieces of plaster rained down around us.

"You stay away from her, Jasper. I mean it. This is not an empty threat; I will kill you if you so much as lay one finger on her. Do you hear me?" I growled the words at him, fierce compulsion to protect what was mine radiating from every fiber of my being. I dropped him to the floor, leaving him sitting against the wall examining his nails as I stalked out the door, slamming it so hard that a few shingles fell from the roof behind me. I ran so fast that I practically flew, slowing to a walk as I realized that I needed time to analyze this situation.

I scratched at my scalp with both hands as I maneuvered around trees, knowing there was only one solution to this problem.

Kill Jasper.

I was wary of doing so as he had been my only companion for many decades now. Jasper and I had originally met in Italy during a festival for our kind. My dear friend and mentor Aro had invited me to come spend a few weeks with him, enjoying the local flavor, so to say. I had bumped into Jasper at one of the many gatherings, as we noted our similar tastes in food and such. It became a relationship of convenience; we typically lived within a few hundred miles of each other and would often go hunting together at the many seedy nightclubs on the West Coast.

Jasper had met a human while in Italy, a beautiful olive skinned woman named Maria that he couldn't seem to remove from his thoughts. I grew weary of listening to him prattle on and on about her for hours, his lovesick voice droning in my ears as I tried in vain to ignore him. He had even gone so far as to bring her to Volterra, Aro's sacred kingdom, to introduce her to the ruling coven and ask for their permission to bring her into this life. Aro had been quite taken with her from the moment she walked in the room, her long, wavy brown hair and light green eyes seemingly captivated him from the start.

It had all gone to shit from there, although I had suffered the majority of the consequences. Jasper had just left from presenting Maria to Aro and his brothers, Caius and Marcus, when he was interrupted with an urgent notice from Felix, the head of the guardsmen. He left Maria in my care, a truly stupid decision at the time. I had little self control then, and even less desire to gain any. I took her back to the main castle, supposedly, to show her some relics and rare jewels, while fully intending to drop her with any passing person so that I could go on my way, unburdened and free to feed from anyone I wished.

_We were climbing the stairs to one of the many turrets when a voice called to us from an alcove hidden behind the landing. _

_"Ah, my Edward. What have we here? You've taken dear Maria for a tour of the grounds? Perhaps she would like to hear from the original owner himself. Surely I have more... interesting places to show her than a turret." His voice was raspy, as if he were just getting over a cold, and his wild red eyes roamed freely over Maria's form. I shrugged, placing a hand on her lower back and guiding her to Aro's side. He leaned in towards her, his hooked nose sniffing delicately at her neck as she shivered next to him. A gusty sigh left his throat, sounding like wind through leaves in the fall, before he pulled her swiftly against him, leaning down to latch his mouth against her flesh. Her eyes widened in shock and pain and her fingers scrabbled against his stony skin, never finding purchase and eventually falling limply by her side. He pulled back slowly, licking his lips as his eyes rolled back in his head before sliding shut._

_"Aro! What the fuck? She was Jasper's singer! He's going to have a fucking hissy fit about this." I leaned against the wall, absently running a hand through my hair as I mused over what had just happened. I wasn't so much concerned about Maria, or Jasper even, as much as the fact that it would be a pain in the ass to deal with this once Jasper learned what had happened. Plus, vampires tend to get bent out of shape if you kill their singer; so much so that the ruling coven, the Volturi, had taken an 'eye for an eye' stance on it, which Aro should know since he's their leader._

_"Edward, my boy, it was an accident." He wiped at the corner of his mouth with this sleeve, looking completely unhindered by what had just occurred. "We'll simply say that you lost control for a moment. After all, it's not as if that hasn't happened a few dozen times. Additionally, it would be... complicated if I were implicated in this. Do you understand?"_

_I shrugged, not really caring who took the fall for it because I knew it would suck no matter what. "I suppose, Aro. I'll deal with it." I walked off, debating whether it would be better to find Jasper now or wait till he came around looking for me. I slunk out of the castle, heading towards the feeding grounds. I could make this decision later, when I was full and satisfied. Always better to think on a full stomach._

I shook my head, resolved not to think about all the emo drama that had taken place when Jasper had found out about Maria and that it was supposedly me that had killed her. We hadn't spoken for years afterwards, which wasn't such a big deal to me. The only downside was the lack of companionship, but even that hadn't gotten me too upset. Eventually, he had come to his senses and realized that one insignificant human wasn't worth the trouble he had put himself through. He had just shown up at my house and we slipped easily into our old routine, heading to Seattle to hit up a nightclub for fresh meat. We never spoke of that day, which was why it was so surprising he had brought it up again today.

Like I said, he could be a fucking woman sometimes.

I snapped myself out of my little fucking daydream slash reverie slash think-a-thon and realized a few hours had passed and I ought to make sure my house was still standing. I had left a young vampire there alone, after all, and I knew they could be slightly destructive when they first woke up. I took off in a dead run, hoping like fuck that she hadn't torn the place apart or even woken up yet; I still needed some time to explain things to her, to make sure she saw things my way. It would make this eternity so much easier if she could just _understand_, but I wasn't sure if her childish mind would be able to wrap around everything I would tell her.

I wondered briefly if it was a bad decision to change someone so young and inexperienced; she did seem a bit of a pain in the ass at times. Hopefully I would be able to refrain from killing her now that she was mine for good.

I reached my house quickly, silently removing the locks on the doors before creeping to Bella's side. I didn't want to startle her if she had finished her transformation; I wasn't risking my pretty little neck over that. Fortunately for me, she was still as stone; her heartbeat was thrumming away, faster than any human could survive for long. I freed her from her restraints one by one, knowing I needn't worry about those now. Glancing around the room, I pulled the lone chair next to her cot and settled in for the night. I had a lot to tell her before she woke up and I'd damn well be comfortable while I was doing so. This needed to go my way; there was no room for errors or omissions.

Isabella was my future, my mate, and I hoped she understood that immediately. I had no fucking patience for idiots and no time to waste. Hopefully she was a quick learner.

* * *

**A/N: As usual, leave me some love to let me know if you love it or hate it! Next chapters is almost done already so it should be up soon!**

**Love ya!!!**

**FragHum**


	4. Confessions

**A/N: Thank you so much for all your awesome reviews! I know there's a little confusion on a few points but trust me, I'll sort it all out for you as the story moves along. Feel free to leave questions in a review or a PM and I'll do my best to answer without ruining the story! Huge thanks to my fabulous beta Breath-of-Twilight, thank you for helping me make this pretty :) Cat - love you squillions bb! Also for CydrynaMarie - i know you probably aren't reading this but I LOVE YOU.**

* * *

I could feel everything. Every lick of fire, every excruciating pulse of blood through my veins caused horrific, unceasing pain. I suffered in silence, paralyzed somehow, whether by the pain itself or the mysterious fire spreading through my body I wasn't sure. I knew that exactly 37 hours and 15 minutes had passed, as Edward had made it a point to tell me the time every 15 minutes once he returned. He must have known how time meant nothing when one was in this state.

He had sat by my side, talking incessantly, spilling his secrets in a river of words rushing from his mouth. It was as if he couldn't get it out fast enough, as if he wanted to make sure I knew everything I needed to prepare me for this life. My new life, with him. I had thought this was what I wanted, but the more I heard, the less sure I became. He sat next to me, his arm draped lightly over my ribs as his fingers drew patterns against my collarbone, never moving, never shifting from his position. His words fanned against the thin fabric covering my stomach, a cool breeze that would have raised goosebumps but did nothing to soothe the fire raging within me.

_"I want to start at the beginning. I feel that you need to understand my compulsion to have you, to keep you with me always, so that you can be secure in your place in my world. Our world, now._

_An old friend of mine alerted me to your wish; an acquaintance of his had seen it on that silly computer program where you posted it. He came to me, knowing how I desired a companion, a mate. We tracked you down; really, those stupid websites aren't as secure at keeping your identity safe as they ought to be, any two-bit criminal with an iota of knowledge would be able to do it. If I hadn't planned on taking you immediately upon seeing you, I would have been angry that you would put yourself in such danger. However, I knew there was nothing out there that could harm you as greatly as I could. _

_I caught your scent once we reached your father's house. I felt it invade my body, diffusing into every cell and bringing them to life. I could practically feel your heart beating from your driveway. My friend had to brace me against a tree to prevent me from instantly attacking you. You see, your scent was like none I'd ever come across in my hundred odd years. It nearly drove me mad that first night; I had to stay outside your house, never even laying eyes on you, trying to acclimate myself and perhaps become desensitized."_

He paused here and sat up, perhaps reflecting on his struggles or distracted by something I wasn't aware of. I listened to his harsh breathing, needing something to focus on in the silence of the room or I would surely lose my mind. The pain had increased exponentially; each beat of my heart pushed my too hot veins to their breaking point. The stress on my heart must have been unimaginable as I felt it struggle and pound out a broken rhythm. I felt detached, almost, knowing this fragile organ wouldn't sustain much more of this torture. I almost sighed in relief as Edward began again.

_"The thirst nearly won out so many times! It was a sheer miracle that you survived it, oblivious to the inhumane struggle occuring just beyond your window. You slumbered on, mumbling the strangest things as you tossed and turned. It was the sweetest torture, knowing you were in there yet unable to claim what would be mine._

_I came back, night after night, not requiring my friend's presence after a time. I eventually gained the courage to scale the outer walls and would sit outside your window, watching you study or giggle with your friend. I grew so attached to observing you; it consumed my consciousness so completely that I would panic if I left, convinced I would miss some crucial moment in your life. I never noticed you with anyone but Alice or your father, never heard you speak of any of those childish boys from school, which made me so indescribably ecstatic. _

_I formulated a plan to reveal myself to you, knowing full well that you would probably be extremely frightened and I would need to be exceedingly careful around you. You set me on edge, Bella, in ways I'm not fully familiar with. The night I came to you was the most stressful night of my existance. I hadn't a clue if you would accept me, although I assumed you would since you had asked so specifically for me to come to you. I nearly came apart at the seams at that first moment. _

_Your scent was so thick in that room, permeating every fiber of my being and clouding my senses. I wanted so badly to just take you, to bite you and feast upon your blood, pounding so fiercely through your fragile vessels. I knew I had to restrain myself, in order to maintain the strictest control for what I would attempt. You surprised me with your ferocity, your bravery in looking me in the eye and questioning me so. You spoke to me as if you weren't afraid, but I could smell it all over you. Your trembling limbs exposed you in an instant._

_Then there was your arousal! I have never smelled anything so potent, so alluring. I could hardly fathom how you would be attracted to a beast like me, but I would not take it for granted, of that I was sure. I wanted to give you that experience, that one last delicious memory before this horrible transformation began to take place. The feeling of being buried deep inside you, wrapped in your heat and passion, was more than I could have ever hoped for or deserved. I knew the moment we joined that I was inexplicably changed, bound to you for the rest of my existence."_

Well, I hoped he was planning on sticking around. I mean, you don't just sneak into a girl's room, make wild, passionate love to her, bite her, turn her into a vampire, and then walk away. I knew he was...different, odd by most standards, but I wasn't sure that mattered to me. I realized that I didn't actually _know_ him, but he was ridiculously handsome and he was a tiger in bed. What more could a girl want? Inwardly I shook my head at my ridiculous logic, finally realizing that I may have bit off more than I could chew.

_"I've never experienced something like this, someone that calls to me the way you do. You were so blind to it! I only hope that once you awake you will feel the same. This is not a difficult life to lead, once you become accustomed to it. I will be here for you, will explain it all and guide you through each day, each hour, until you are adjusted. _

_You don't know how long I've waited for you, Isabella."_

Surely nowhere near as long as I've waited for this fucking burning to subside, Edward.

I listened mutely, feeling the fire fading in my veins as each moment passed, as each breath left his lips. I focused solely on his words, knowing that I would need all the help I could get if I were to survive in this new life. I could feel the strength building in my muscles, the lengthening and hardening of each fiber as the burn was slowly extinguished. I heard Edward gasp, heard the slight whistle of the air as it swirled around his mouth, heard so much more than I ever had. I heard the scraping of leaves against each other, the whooshing wind flowing off of the feathered wings of a bird, the empty silence of the room. I listened harder, distracted by the silence, the complete and utter lack of sound. There was no breathing, no movement, _no heart beating_.

My eyes snapped open in shock, my hand coming to my throat as I sat up quickly, much more quickly than I ought to be able to move. My frightened eyes took in the room around me, its stark stone walls and scuffed wood floor seeming barren and cold. I turned slowly, unsure of my surroundings and terrified of what I had become.

Edward was leaning against a humongous fireplace, the mantle stretching nearly ten feet, an ornately carved piece of wood covered in dripping pillar candles. Their light flickered and cast a strange, eerie glow across the room. I flicked my gaze back to Edward, taking in his tall, lean form with a new appreciation, noting all the subtle nuances of his face that I had missed before with my less-keen eyes. Their color was disarming, a deep hazel flecked with crimson, and it caused me to both want to stare and look away quickly. Thick dark lashes framed his eyes, giving them even more prominence over the other features. His nose was perfectly proportioned and straight, leading down to a wicked grin over flawless, gleaming white teeth. He arched a brow at me, perhaps amused at my prolonged study, before he pushed off from the wall and stalked towards me.

He halted at arms length, simply lifting a finger to trace the line of my jaw as his eyes bored into mine. His dark, dangerous eyes lightened briefly, allowing his excitement to shine through only momentarily before his shield was drawn again, the one I knew he used to hide himself behind. How I knew this I wasn't sure, I just did. I understood this as well as I knew he and I were meant to be; it was just _truth_. I felt almost violated by his scrutiny, the weight of his stare making me increasingly uncomfortable until I finally tore my eyes from his and stared at my feet. He chuckled softly, almost to himself, before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Edward-please. Too tight!" I managed to squeak out, trying to snake my arms between us and succeeding. I pushed lightly against his chest and was surprised to see him stumble backwards before righting himself. I felt my mouth drop open in shock; had I really just shoved him across the room? His eyes flashed with something, anger or humor, as he returned to face me. He rubbed one hand across his jaw, his face almost speculative as the silence continued. I wrung my hands between us, searching for the right words to explain something I did not understand.

"Isabella, stop. I know you didn't intend to do that. It's just one of the many things you'll need to adjust to now. There are so many benefits!" His eyes danced with excitement as his hands moved to frame my face. "You'll see. What would you like to do first? Are you terribly thirsty?"

The moment he mentioned thirst it felt as if I had swallowed molten lava, my throat erupting into flames and the most intense desire for a drink took hold of me. I felt as if I had been in the desert for months, deprived of any liquid whatsoever. "I'm definitely thirsty. What do I do?" I cleared my throat and swallowed, feeling the liquid pooling in my mouth and finding no relief from it. I began to pace, the urgency building the more I thought about the thirst. I pushed my hair from my face, anxious movements that brought no comfort, no distraction from the want, the _need_.

Edward laughed, velvet gravel spilling from his lips as he ran a hand through his hair. "You simply need to come with me. You'll know what to do; it's instinctual." He took my hand in his, no longer cold and alarming, and led me out the door.

* * *

**As always, would love to know what you think :) LEMONS NEXT CHAPTER!!!!**


	5. Basic Instincts

**A/N: Hey everybody! I'm posting this while in Las Vegas for business (IKR?!) and I know i told some of you it would be up Thursday but hell if i could actually do a damn thing on time :) This chapter was a doozy to write, please keep in mind the "M" rating, for scenes of the citrus variety :) as always, special thanks to all my girls, especially Kel, Cat and Jil. Without you three this story wouldn't be HALF as super as people tell me it is (which i still dont believe, but that's a whole other story for a whole other day).**

* * *

I wanna fuck you like an animal  
I wanna feel you from the inside  
I wanna fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to God

Through every forest, above the trees  
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees  
I drink the honey inside your hive  
You are the reason I stay alive

_Closer - Nine Inch nails_

I followed Edward outside tentatively, feeling as if I were on sensory overload from the sudden increase in my abilities. Everything was clear and precise and _startling_ in its newness. The most mundane objects were suddenly overwhelmingly beautiful and interesting. I stopped in my tracks, dropping Edward's hand and spinning in a slow circle as I took in my surroundings. I tasted the air, savoring it on my tongue as I gulped in huge breaths. I exalted in the feel of the wind in my hair, the heat of the sun warming my skin as it threw glittery reflections back at me.

I struggled to take it all in. Edward must have sensed this because he stepped closer to me, running his hands lightly down my arms as he searched my eyes. He twined his fingers with mine, pulling one hand up to tuck under my chin.

"Relax, my Isabella. There will be eons of time to take this all in; now, we must hunt." He pulled me along, tucking me under his arm as he ambled towards the edge of the forest. "Would you like to try running? I find it to be extremely cathartic." His enthusiasm led me to agree, however nervous I was about my previous athletic capabilities. I had been the clumsiest girl in school, always tripping over thin air and stumbling around as if I were drunk. I merely looked up at him, finding his wicked grin and smoldering eyes spurring me on.

"I suppose," I sighed, "If you promise not to laugh if I trip." I took a deep breath before launching myself forward, my feet falling fast and sure against the dirt and propelling me forward at speeds I had never even imagined. I let out a breathy laugh, dodging a tree and jumping over a boulder in my path. I pressed forward, pushing my legs faster and reveling in the sensation. I had never been athletic, never joined a sport or even tried to work out; yet here I was, running faster than any human I had ever met, without breaking a sweat or feeling even the tiniest bit of exhaustion. I felt as if I could go for miles or days and never tire.

I stopped dead in my tracks when the most exquisite smell tickled my nose. Edward shot past me a few yards before doubling back towards me, his face quizzical until sudden understanding dawned across his face.

"What do you smell, darling? Does it entice you? Worsen that horrible torching flame in your throat?" His velvety voice was suddenly at my ear, his hands caressing my waist and hips. I shuddered as I felt his tongue flick out to trace my earlobe, desire flooding through my body. It only served to heighten my need to _drink_. I felt him press against my back, his arms winding around my stomach as he ground himself against me. My eyes slid shut as I experienced each sensation, the lust for Edward coupled with the thirst exploding in my chest bringing me to a carnal place deep within myself.

His hands moved under my thin shirt, softly caressing the skin of my stomach and ghosting against the bottom of my breasts. I let my head loll back as he continued his sweet torture, my head swimming with all the heightened responses of my new body. Each touch stirred something inside me, a feral being I had never experienced before. I moved my hands behind me, winding my arms between us as I palmed his erection eagerly. His answering groan spurred me on and I spun around to crash my mouth to his. His tongue slid over my lips before passing between them, our breaths mingling in the clear morning air.

I grazed my nails over his bulging jeans before popping the button and sliding the zipper down quickly, exposing him in all his glory. He tore his shirt over his head, tossing it behind me as I shoved his pants and shorts down roughly. He had been magnificent in my bedroom Christmas night, but I was blown away by the sight of him in the sun. Every aspect of his muscled physique was sheer perfection. I sighed, content just to gaze at him for a moment and enjoy the view. He must have had other ideas, though, because before I knew it, I was in his arms, wrapped around him as he dragged slick kisses down my neck.

I dug my nails in his shoulders to press him closer to me as he reached the sweet spot where my neck met my collarbone, his teeth scraping lightly against the slight scar there. He grunted an unintelligible response before lifting my shirt over my head. I was momentarily self conscious as I covered my chest with my arms, concerned about our location until I remembered we had run far into the forest before coming to this meadow. Edward unleashed the crooked grin that had me quivering instantly and I threw myself back at him, wrapping my arms around him as we crashed to the dirt. Reaching down, I undid my own jeans before shimmying out of them and simultaneously gyrating against Edward.

I felt his hardness pressing against me and I shifted, silently thanking God and Buddha and every other deity as his head slid down my abdomen towards my clit. The jolt of pleasure that shot through my body surprised me and I arched my back instinctually, moving him closer to the spot that would surely relieve the ache between my legs. Gasping, I pulled my face back and met his stare as he gripped my hips and rolled me above him. He raised one eyebrow before pushing into me, still managing to feel impossibly large as he filled me. My eyes rolled back in my head as I rocked my hips against him, a feeble attempt to buy a moment to adjust to this feeling of _fullness_. His hands slid slowly against the skin of my stomach before cupping my breasts, his thumbs rubbing circles against my nipples.

My knees felt no discomfort from the rocky ground as I lifted my body up, letting his dick come almost completely out of me as I swiveled my hips and crashed down on him again, the sound of our skin slapping together ricocheting off the trees surrounding us. Edward gripped my shoulders, his arms pressing against my back as he guided my movements. I panted loudly, useless air filling my lungs with each breath.

Suddenly I was bent forward on my knees, a vacant emptiness where Edward had been filling me seconds before. I rested my forehead on the ground as my eyes drifted closed, a sigh of want escaping my mouth. I heard his devilish chuckle a split second before his hands gripped my hips again, his dick pounding into me from behind. My eyes shot open as I registered this new angle, the sensations shocking and so fucking incredible. I lifted my face from the ground, pushing my hands in the dirt as I shoved back against him, my fingers digging trenches inches deep from the force of it. I groaned loudly as I felt him plunging fast and hard inside me, each thrust hitting me deep within my core.

The coil began to tighten instantly within me, threatening to erupt at any moment. I felt almost as if I couldn't stand it, the sensation was too much and I wriggled helplessly against him as he fucked me, my fingers tearing through the dirt and rocks. It was animalistic and raw and primal; it was deep and too hard and all of the sensations were overwhelming me. The sex and the _scents_ and the feelings were swirling through my mind and I felt as if I were about to lose it. I tried to pull away, to put at least a fraction of space between us as he hit that spot repeatedly but his fingers clamped tight against me wouldn't allow it.

I dissolved then, my mind shutting down as I finally lost out to the bestial urges, my body performing instinctually as it met his every thrust. Grunts and growls ripped from my throat as I came forcefully, blindingly on him, my body paralyzed as each muscle contracted at once. I heard him roar behind me, plunging deeply into me as he released. I laid there on the forest floor, numb and sated, for what seemed like hours before I sat up in a daze. I saw Edward crouching behind me, his hair in wicked disarray and full of pine needles. Breaking away my gaze I took a deep breath and felt the searing agony again my throat. That smell persisted and I was powerless to fight it.

Quickly, I dragged my clothing on as I squinted into the forest around me, my nose twitching with each shallow breath as I zoned in on the cloying scent. It was strongest to my east and before I realized it, I had already begun sprinting towards it. I heard Edward on my heels but quickly disregarded him, focused solely on finding the source of this mouthwatering aroma permeating the forest. As the scent grew stronger, I slowed my pace, scaling a tree and moving quickly from branch to branch. From this vantage point I could make out a pillar of smoke not far away, maybe half a mile, with a solitary tent appearing between the tree trunks.

I moved through the treetops silently, stopping when I was but yards from the small shelter on the edge of a stream. A lone man stood in the water, bent at the waist as he filled a canteen before raising it to his lips. I realized I was leaning forward, my arm wrapped loosely around a branch as I took a deep breath. The flames in my throat ripped into an inferno, my vision going hazy at the edges as venom coated my teeth. I leapt from my tree, landing lightly on the balls of my feet as I stalked towards the man. He remained oblivious to my presence, still drinking with his eyes closed, as I pounced on his back.

I wrapped my arms around him, locking my hands together to prevent him from breaking my hold. My teeth sliced through the skin of his neck, pressing further until the hot, pulsing liquid ran into my mouth. It was like heaven and hell all at once; it relieved my thirst but I feared it wouldn't be enough, this one man. I drank greedily, feeling us fall to the ground as his strength waned; I adjusted my hold, pushing on his forehead to give myself more room at his neck. I sucked hard, pulling as much of this life-giving substance as possible into me, feeling it renewing and replenishing my body.

I can't describe the feeling of it, the all-encompassing _joy_ it brought as I gorged myself. I felt powerful, invincible, and glorious from it. I sat up briefly, wiping the back of my hand against my mouth as I closed my eyes and sighed. This was the best I had ever felt, the most incredible and inexplicable thing that had ever happened to me. I looked down at the man, pale and unconscious before me, and wondered briefly who he was. Did he have a family? Would someone notice his disappearance? It nagged at me for a short moment before I took another breath; then the scent again drowned out everything but the need to feast.

I returned to his neck, coaxing the last remnants of blood from his system before pushing his broken body away. I rocked on my heels, disoriented momentarily as I looked around his campsite. I thought hard for a minute; I knew there was something different, something lacking, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I replayed the last hour over again in my head, the scenes flipping past like photographs. Waking up in that creepy stone house, coming outside and seeing everything for the first time, Edward plundering me like a beast in the forest...

Edward. I looked around, expecting to see him grinning wickedly at me from behind a tree, but was met with nothing.

He was gone.

* * *

**One quick thing - I know people are confused about Jasper. YOU WILL FIND OUT IN TIME. trust me kay? i am now going to have a smoke and an alcoholic beverage because, honestly, dont you need one after that? christ. love you all!!!!!!!!**


	6. Missing

**A/N: you guys! You're blowing me away with these reviews. Srsly. I love you all and you totally make me smile and squee and clap and jump up and down like an idiot when I get the reviews from all of you. Thank you so much! Huge A/N at the bottom – I'm going to be in a contest! Vote for Pedro and all that (Pedro being me in this situation).**

* * *

I stood up slowly, feeling the dread coursing through my system as I realized I was really alone out here. I looked at the man lying at my feet, his body a jumbled mess, and it dawned on me that I had just killed him. I was a murderer. A choked sob escaped me as I pressed a hand to my mouth; what would Charlie think?

I ran blindly, unaware that I was following my and Edward's scents back towards his house. I burst through the door, my chest heaving with ragged breaths as my eyes wildly scanned the room. He wasn't here.

I paced back and forth before the fireplace, my mind a chaotic mess of guilt and trepidation. I had never even been given detention at school, and now I was killing people! I mean, I knew this was part of the deal from the get go: I understood that vampires fed on human blood, but apparently the reality of that hadn't hit home, not until now, until after the first victim of my bloodlust. I just needed to figure out a way to justify it, to make it more socially acceptable. I'm just saying, it's not like I can walk into a family dinner and have my own all-you-can-eat buffet.

What I really needed was someone to talk to about this, someone to bounce ideas off of and come to a good, practical solution. Obviously, Edward is out of the question, seeing as he keeps disappearing and when he is available, he can barely manage to go thirty seconds without ripping off my clothes. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a great lay (not that I would know otherwise), but you'd think he would spend at least a little time actually talking to me.

No, what I needed now was my best friend. Alice would have some sort of insight into this situation; she had always given me her complete, undivided attention with any issues I brought to her in the past. I spun on my heel, making my way towards the small cot I had spent three days on. Kneeling on the ground, I searched below it for my backpack. No dice. I moved quickly to search the rest of the room, quickly realizing the sparse decor made for few hiding places. My phone wasn't here, and from the looks of it, there wasn't a land line in this building either. I would have to go find her in person. I just hoped that I would be able to refrain from killing her when I found her.

I headed back into the woods, unknowingly tracing my own path from earlier today. I stopped every so often to check out my new strength or speed, uprooting trees just to see if I was capable and running to catch them before they could hit the ground. This was some pretty cool shit, if I was being honest with myself. I finally heard the faint babble of the brook calling to me, and I jogged up to the tent I had seen this morning. I tried not to look at the man's lifeless body, but it seemed I couldn't tear my eyes from it when it came into view.

I had thought briefly that if I could get Alice on the phone it would work out better for both of us, as I still had no idea if I'd be able to be near her without sucking that luscious fluid from her veins. That hot, pulsing liquid that soothed the horrible ache in my throat, that made me forget everything around me and called to me in a way nothing ever had before.

I shook my head, trying to clear it from this line of thought. I needed to focus; I came here for a reason. Fixing my eyes on the tent, I unzipped the entrance and crawled inside, finding a sleeping bag and backpack nestled within its nylon walls. I sat cross legged on the floor of the tent, methodically going through each compartment of the bag, pulling out all the man's belongings.

A toothbrush, a lighter and a pack of cigarettes later, I found his wallet. Flipping it open, I pulled out his license, curious to put a name with my victim's face.

Joseph Bouchard. Date of birth: 10/31/1977. He lived in Port Angeles, Washington and was apparently only in his thirties.

My hand covered my mouth in horror as I dropped the few remaining items in his billfold. A picture of two smiling children, both with his light hair and smiling into the camera, fluttered to the ground before me. A sob tore from my throat as I realized that I had killed a father, had left two young boys without their daddy. _I_ had ruined a family. I crawled through the opening of the tent, determined to get out of this place where I had caused such calamity. I had to fix this. I needed some way to make this better.

As I rushed past his body, I pulled up short, kneeling beside him and bowing my head in reverence. Slowly, I crossed his arms over his chest, placing one of the pictures in his hand before covering it with the other. Hastily, I lowered his eyelids, feeling that if I could pay him this one last respect that perhaps it would make my transgression just a tiny bit less unforgiveable. Then I remembered my reason for coming here in the first place.

I began patting down his pockets, searching for the one thing that could bring me redemption, or at least bring me the means to find it. I hissed as I realized it wasn't here; it must be back in the tent. I trudged back to the structure, leaning in and swiping the backpack before bringing it out to sit by Mr. Bouchard again. I dug around for a few moments before feeling its familiar shape and pulling it free.

His cell phone.

I could call Alice and not worry about her scent getting to me. I would not have to go to her house and risk killing her family or some poor innocent bystander if the scent got to be too much. I dialed the numbers by heart, gnawing on my thumbnail as I listened to each ring. Finally, her voicemail picked up, the familiar greeting causing a small smile to break out on my face. After the beep, I left a vague message.

"Hey Al, it's me. Gimme a call on this number when you get the message, alright? It's pretty important and I really need to talk to you right away. Like, as soon as you get this."

I hung up, feeling dejected and lost. Al always answered her phone, especially if she didn't know the number. She said you never knew who you would meet on the other end of the line. I pulled my knees to my chest, prepared to wait as long as it took for her to call me back but not wanting to return to that creepy house and potentially run into Edward again. He was just super weird and I wasn't sure if I really should be entangling myself with him at this point. I hated to admit it to myself, but I was hurt that he had just left me alone, again. I barely knew him, and really only in the Biblical sense anyway, so I figured it would be okay to take a little time for myself. He had, after all, lectured me for hours on what it meant to be a vampire and what was expected of us. I think I had a handle on it at this point.

After a few hours I reached for the phone, switching it off in fear that the battery would run out on me if I left it on all night. My nails were ragged and torn from my incessant chewing and I knew I really needed to work on a new plan if I was going to get anything accomplished anytime soon. I tried to figure out what day it was before I remembered that the cell phone would tell me; it was already Thursday, December 29th. I knew Charlie would be working the graveyard shift tonight, which meant it would probably be safe to go home and get some clothes and my own phone and laptop.

I struggled to my feet, expecting an ache in my legs from hours of sitting in one position and surprisingly found none. I said a final goodbye to Mr. Bouchard before heading off towards my house, my arms swinging lightly as I made my way over trees and rocks. I took my time, knowing that there was really no rush at this point; Charlie would be gone for hours and Al was probably off with Jasper somewhere getting her freak on. Maybe I would go to his house after I got my stuff: I wouldn't be shocked to find Al there.

As I approached the house I saw that the front light was left on, illuminating the piece of paper stuck to the front door. I rushed up the steps, anxious to see what it said.

_Isabella Marie, if you see this note it means I'm at work. STAY PUT, YOUNG LADY. We will be having words when I get home. Love, Dad._

Oh my Christ, I forgot about how Charlie would take this. For all he knew, I vanished on Christmas Eve! I hadn't even once stopped to take his feelings into consideration since then. He didn't even know if I was alive or dead; well, truthfully, neither did I at this point, but that seemed irrelevant. I would have to make sure to let him know I was okay as soon as it was safe. I pulled the spare key from the eaves before opening the door and putting it back. I crept into the house silently, unsure what I would find waiting for me here. Everything appeared normal and in its proper position since the last time I had been home.

I stepped soundlessly up the staircase, bee-lining towards my room and grabbing my backpack from the banister on my way up. I dumped out my books and school supplies on my bed before quickly shoving a few pair of jeans and t-shirts in the bag. I wrapped myself in my favorite black hoodie, stopping for a split second to enjoy the feel of the soft cotton against my skin. I allowed my eyes to close briefly as I reminisced about the last time I was in this room, the midnight visitor I had, and the amazing sensations he had brought out in me. I forced my eyes open as I realized that wasn't a good line of thought to have at the moment.

I searched under the bed for my phone, remembering knocking everything over before it all went black, and grabbed it from the furthest corner. I had 27 missed calls and had 50 text messages, mostly from Al and Charlie. I unplugged the charger from the wall and tossed it in the bag, followed quickly by my laptop. I moved to my dresser, pausing to stare at the pictures framing the mirror above, before grabbing two of them and shoving them in the bag as well.

The bag seemed to weigh nothing as I hefted it over my shoulder, slinging it across myself as I took off down the stairs and into the night. I grabbed my phone and began listening to my voicemails, hearing Charlie grow more and more pissed off with each one that he had left. Alice seemed confused at first, then grew more and more agitated as the messages became more recent. A few of them made me a little nervous, as she spoke of strange things in vague terms that left me wondering what she truly meant.

The texts were almost exclusively from Alice. She even joked at first about me meeting my "vamp-boy" and becoming a "princess of the night", but I could tell that she had begun to worry as time went by. She wrote that she was worried about something and needed to talk to me about it as soon as I could get back to her. The last text was the one that made me stop dead in my tracks. It was sent around the same time that Edward had left me in the forest today; it contained one word.

_Jasper_.

* * *

**A/N: again! Hi OK. First huge ups to my girls, Cat, Kel, Jil, as always. And to JEEBs who so nicely (and unknowingly) loaned me some deets for this chapter. Love you all!**

**Now the contest. Breath-of-Twilight and myself have written a one shot for the FML contest. Yes, we did. It's hilarious (in our humble opinions) but we'd love to know what you all think! I'll be posting it on my profile, as will she, and the voting opens Feb 22. Check our profiles for more info! I actually don't even care if we win b/c we had so much fun writing it! (But fucking hell I want to win!)**


End file.
